I have a complicated life story, including childhood sexual abuse and combat zone-related PTSD as an adult, but I feel that God is healing these dark periods of my life and wants me to share the *high points* of my story. This is the highest of them.
When I was 3, my mother was rear-ended by a driver who was not paying attention to the red light ahead of them. I was small, and the collision slammed me hard against the seat belt. Back in 1988, they didn't have car seats for 3-year olds, so the seat belt was over my intestine area. My only memory of all this was the accident and the emergency room, so this next part was told to me by my mother:
I was not visibly hurt, so they exchanged information and drove home. I got ready for swimming class, but just as we were about to leave I began screaming in pain and crying. My dad rushed me to the emergency room, which is where my memory picks back up.
They gave me codeine (or some painkiller) laced into lemonade and stuck it in my face as I was lying on the table screaming and crying. Then I passed out. In the meantime, they told my parents that I had a traumatized intestine and they would have to do surgery to repair it. But when I passed out, the following happened:
I woke up immediately in a dark place. It was pitch black, and the memory is etched into my head in 3D. There was a palpable presence to the darkness. It was as if it was the very essence of darkness and fear. I’ve come to realize that it was essentially the absence of God, which is hell. However, there was a light shining on me from far, far above, almost out of sight. I didn't actually experience the darkness, even though I could see what it was. The light was the light of God’s presence. There was a thing in front of me that was fat, ugly, and scary…it talked to me with deep, rumbling noises that were not English or any language I knew, but I could understand it. It was trying to convince me that it was my dad. I obviously didn’t believe it, and the light slowly drew me upwards.
I accelerated faster and faster toward the source, and I came out on the other side of a veil that was thinner than paper into a verdant, bright Heaven. Jesus met me immediately. We were in a grassy field. Everything in heaven emanates light as powerful as the sun, yet translucent in a way that we can see everything anyway. Everything is as bright as the sun, and to this day I have a strange fascination with the sun…I could be driving in the car, and I will look at the sun and say to myself, “That’s God’s light.”
There are clouds in heaven, and the sun is part of the sky…the clouds themselves emanate light, and they are in fact composed of the same brilliant light as everything else. The grass emanates light as powerful as the sun, yet is harmless to the eyes. Everything is lit by the light of God. Jesus showed me his hands, which were brilliant and glorified with light. He then showed me a silhouette of what they had been like on earth below his actual hands, like a hologram. In the silhouette I could see that his hands had been dirty, bloody, and pierced. He told me that because that happened to Him, He could heal me. He then told me I was healed, and took me on a carriage ride to the City of God. I don’t remember how I got on the carriage, but I know I was riding on a high, fantastic bridge over a large city with fantastic, bejeweled minarets like you would see at the Kremlin in Moscow. Turns out those minarets in Moscow are religious (and Christian) in nature.
There were big, golden doors at the entryway. When they opened, 5 or so choruses and symphonies played together in perfect harmony. I think there were people and angels singing “Hallelujah!” Then I saw people walking in fancy outfits from different periods of time, all of them beautiful, and big beautiful birds flying overhead. They were putting on a little heavenly “play” for me. I saw them as they were in life. Jesus did this for me so I could understand that people from all time periods were there. Then everything started to dazzle, and it all transformed into who they are now, glorified in heaven. They ran to me to welcome me. The old timey buildings dropped away to reveal grass, and all of my ancestors were there. Every one. And that’s when we had the lake party. It was a party for me. We went over to the lake and I dressed in a robe (it just appeared on me), the color of which I picked out myself. I transformed my clothes from a white robe into a red robe, because, along with His pierced hands, Jesus had also shown me His heart, which was red. I loved His heart so much, so I made my robe red. It happened seamlessly, and I was amazed rather than startled. He said my story would be a story of hope.
At the lake “party” with my ancestors, Timothy, my namesake and dad’s deceased friend, was also there. He was dancing around and having a good time, and he talked to me. He told me he loved me, and he loved my dad. He was a great joy in heaven. When I told this to my dad, he said that that sounded exactly like Timothy, "always the life of the party." We sat next to the lake while music played and “fireworks” came down from the sky…this was all done by God’s power, and there was no danger to any of us. The fireworks shot and crackled down from the sky and bounced off the lake in every direction. There was a green firework that bounced up to me and held itself in front of me in the shape of a heart. It was from Jesus, and He was telling me He loved me. It made me so happy.
The party took place in an “evening” of sorts, in which the clouds turned purple, and the sky behind them was pink, as with an incredible, majestic sunset the likes of which I have never seen on this earth. However, everything was still bright, it was just lit by purple and pink light instead of another color. It never actually turned to night, so yes, there are sunsets in heaven, but they are full of light that never grows dim, and night never comes. We didn’t sleep, but only because we didn’t need to…you never get tired in heaven. I think you ‘could’ sleep if you wanted to, but you never need to. Finally, at the party we were given “lollipops” that tasted like cake, ice cream, chocolate, and every candy you could ever dream of. I was a kid, and Jesus was giving me what kids like. You never ‘need’ to eat in heaven, but you ‘can’ eat if you want to, because food is enjoyable.
The next “day,” Jesus played with me by throwing flowers up into the air that He made with His hands. They planted themselves into the ground and fused to it with a flash of light. I find it interesting that, reflecting back on this, you don’t need to kill flowers in heaven to throw them into the air. Jesus actually *planted* flowers by throwing them into the air. I believe this is consistent with the concept that there is no death in heaven, only creation and life. Jesus then brought me to the side of the forest (there was a forest nearby) and showed me some of the animals in the forest and that they were harmless, including a female lion. This corresponds to the Bible verse in which it says in the new earth, the lion will lay down with the lamb and the beast will be led by the child. Of course, I was 3 and didn’t know any of this.
Then Jesus had to spend some time directing angels who took prayers to Him and I saw in His actions that He was the “humble king” of heaven. He said that, and it was not disingenuous in any way when the words left His mouth. Then He told me about my life nearby a fountain outside an ornate building. He showed it to me in highlights. It was a life “preview,” and He only showed me the good parts. When it was over, I saw everyone in heaven together. My mom, dad, my brother, and Emma (now my wife). He told me that the woman I saw was to be my wife, and that she would be called Emmanuele, which means “God with us,” (as in “O come o come Emmanuel”) and she would be a reminder that God is always with me. Then, I asked how Jesus knew we would go to heaven. He said, “Everyone who’s anyone goes to heaven.” I guess that's God's way of saying to a child, "I know what I know." While I was by the fountain, Jesus also said, “Your story will bring many people together.” Editorial note, I want to do that, more than anything.
Then it slowly came time for me to leave, but I did not want to go. The sun was setting, and it was a tangerine sunset. It was amazing. Jesus said it was just for me. Jesus said that it was getting late. I said, “It’s not fair!” It’s all I knew to say. Then Jesus said, “I love you ever so dearly. Remember me. Everything will be okay.”
Up until the time I stopped praying in high school, I would pray to Jesus that I loved Him “ever so dearly,” and I thought there was such beauty in those words, even after I didn’t remember why. Due to the subsequent sexual abuse I experienced from clergy, I repressed this memory from the time of the abuse until the age of 34, because the abuse made me want to believe it was all a lie. It came out again in counseling for PTSD. I had married my "Emmanuele" the previous year, without remembering what Jesus had told me about her. And now I am being healed just as Jesus wants, and I finally remember everything that He wanted me to remember. Shortly before I remembered, Emma had a prophetic dream of being on a bed in the hospital for two days after a car accident. We believe this was God's way of nudging me to remember, that while I was in the hospital on a bed, I was in heaven for two "days." Of course, the concept of time is completely different in heaven, and I was only in the hospital for a few earthly hours.
Back in the hospital, I woke up and my mother remembers me saying to her, "Mommy, mommy, I was with Jesus!" The doctor in the room was upset and skeptical, and soon after they did a scan to determine the damage. I had no pain anymore, and the scan came back perfectly healthy. The doctor got very upset after that, and accused me of lying. My mother didn't know what to do, so she said we'd talk about it later. I never brought it up again because the doctor was so mad and accused me of faking my injury to get attention. Yes, as a 3-year-old. I realize now there was nothing to be afraid of, he was just an angry guy who was far from God.
So that is my near death experience. I hope you all enjoyed it. Soon to come, I have had several short experiences with angels comforting me in dark times that I'm going to share. God bless you, and God love you!
0 Comments